Carburetor cleaner.
A phenomenon of convenience.
When I was younger, video rental stores were in their prime. The era of VHS tape rewinders, “Be Kind Please Rewind” stickers, and Blockbuster - although my hometown didn’t have a Blockbuster. We had Great American Video.
There’s a very specific feeling you get walking into a video rental store. It held promise. It held curiosity about what the New Releases were, and also some uncertainty as to whether or not your desired title or game would be available. At Great American Video they would put the cover out on the shelf, and then a blank clear case behind it that you’d trade at the counter for the physical disc, tape, or cartridge before checking out. If there was a blank case, it was available. If not, it was currently out. There was always a small moment of suspense when you found what you were looking for, but had to check for the blank case. A moment that, realistically, could be a significant point of inflection with vastly different outcomes.
I say that somewhat facetiously, but think about it. Say you were going into to rent Mario Kart, but it was out. Instead, you notice that 007 Goldeneye is available, so you rent that instead. How different are those two nights, or weekends? As an impressionable kid, I’d say they are radically different! Mario Kart with friends, albeit competitive, or Goldeneye by yourself, working as an MI6 agent armed with a silenced PP7, flash bangs, and an AR33 on a mission to stop Alex Trevelyan. If not that, then maybe you had a friend over and you played Goldeneye, but what were you doing then? Essentially hunting and killing one other? Two vastly different experiences. Don’t get me wrong though - I was all about Goldeneye. The soundtrack is burned into my brain forever.
In fact, just for fun reference, here is a list of all available weapons in the game. Ah, the nostalgia.
I digress…
Aside from the actual service of renting and selling, a local video rental store also served as an important cultural hub in a pre-internet era. A pulse check on the heartbeat of entertainment and pop-culture - which as many know - is what America ultimately runs on.
But regardless of the allure and seemingly solid business model at the time, we all know that demise of the local video rental store was swift and sudden. The rise of the internet was death sentence, Redbox the bullet, and Netflix the nail in the coffin.
Great American Video was no exception. They had a big liquidation sale when the store was closing, selling off inventory for cheap. I went with high hopes of scoring some of the newer titles, or even some of the cool N64 accessories they had ( i.e. the Donkey Kong N64 controller cover that was a bushel of 3 bananas). I didn’t get any of these things, but I did end up with a DVD copy of a movie called ENVY starring Ben Stiller and Jack Black. It wasn’t a block-buster itself, and frankly I had never seen it, but I loved Jack Black and it was $0.99 so I bought it.
The movie is a dark comedy about two neighbors and best friends whose lives spiral after one invents a product called “Vapoorize” that makes dog poop vanish instantly. Jack Black’s character, Nick, becomes wildly rich, while Ben Stiller’s character, Tim, grows resentful over missing the chance to invest. Tim’s jealousy leads to poor decisions, entangling him with a shady drifter (Christopher Walken) and threatening both of their livelihoods. It’s absolutely hilarious, and has become one of my favorite comedies.
Nevertheless, the product in the film “Vapoorize” is essentially a phenomenon of convenience. It’s this product that you spray on dog shit and it disappears. To where? Nobody knows, but also nobody really cares. It’s almost like some kind of voodoo magic.
There’s something similar that exists in real life: Carburetor cleaner.
It is the cousin of Vapoorize. The more hardcore one. It’s extremely flammable, irritating to the skin and eyes, and fatal if swallowed. But it does a fine job at cleaning a carburetor and making carbon deposits or varnish just disappear.
I tore into my motorcycle, a 2013 Suzuki DR650, this afternoon after it had been sitting in the shed for the last 9 months. I had turned the fuel petcock off over the winter, but there must have been some fuel left in the carb that degraded and gummed up the jets, because when I started it up, it barely ran and only idled (poorly so) on full choke - even with fresh gas.
The spark plugs were good, and the filters were clean, so I suspected the carb was the issue.
Alas, I pulled it and got to work. Sure, you can sometimes get away with a quick clean on a carb by removing the air filter and spraying some cleaner down the barrel or onto the jets, but half-ass effort usually affords half-ass results. So, I elected to fully remove the carburetor from the bike, disassemble, remove o-rings and plastics (carb cleaner will eat these up), and pull the jets to get a clear look and thorough clean.
With the carb disassembled on the lid of my toolbox, I laid piece by piece on the concrete beside me and sprayed them down. For the most part everything looked pretty clean, but there was a noticeable deposit on the main jet slide which connected to the vacuum housing, and was likely the culprit. I sprayed it a few times, and watched the varnish just disappear.
Sure enough, it worked. I rebuilt the carb, reinstalled, reassembled the bike, and it fired up right into a smooth idle. Hell yes.
Cue this track:
There’s certainly other voodoo magic out there in the world like carb cleaner or Vapoorize, and I’ll be on the lookout. Phenomenons of convenience. Or as I like to call them, Free Smoke.
Black coffee is another one of these phenomena, for sure.
Zero calories, a boost of energy, perhaps some health benefits, and generally believed to have no detrimental side effects when consumed in moderation. You take that deal? I’ll take that deal. Although, the line begins to blur when adding a tablespoon of butter to my morning cup like I tend to do. But as my old friend Jeff Daily used to say…
“Here for a good time, not for a long time.”
P.s. I think I’ll ride a stretch of the Utah Backcountry Discovery Route tomorrow - from Monte Cristo to Bear Lake - to visit my friends Evan & Kacey and stay a night or two. The Iron Donkey is running smooth, and the weather is looking nice. Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em.